Divorce is never easy, especially when children are involved. As a parent, you’re probably navigating your own emotional upheaval while trying to provide consistency, stability, and love for your children. The good news? With intention and the right strategies, co-parenting can work, often better than you might expect.

Whether your children are toddlers, school-aged, or teens, here are some best practices to help you co-parent effectively during and after a divorce.

Put Your Children’s Well-Being First

It might seem obvious, but it’s easy to lose sight of during conflict or emotional moments. Kids do best when both parents stay actively involved in their lives—emotionally, physically, and logistically. That means setting aside personal grievances and focusing on what’s truly best for your child.

Ask yourself:

• Is this decision helping my children feel secure?
• Am I supporting their relationship with the other parent?
• Am I managing my emotions in a way that keeps the kids from getting caught in the middle?
• Is this actually about me and my ex? Or me wanting to win?

Putting your children first doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs—it means leading with theirs when making parenting decisions.

Communicate Respectfully- Like a Business Partner

You don’t have to be friends with your co-parent, but you do have to coordinate and collaborate.

Treat your communication like a professional relationship: be respectful, clear, and focused on the topic at hand (your kids). A few other tips:

• Avoid sarcasm
• Stay away from revisiting past arguments
• Resist the urge to send emotional texts or messages
• Never use your children as messengers
• Avoid making threats or promises you don’t intend to keep
• If things are strained, you might mutually decide to communicate only about the children

Many divorced families find it helpful to use co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents, which centralize communication and help manage shared expenses, receipts, and parenting schedules.

Create a Clear Parenting Plan

A good parenting plan removes the guesswork from day-to-day life. It spells out things like:

• Parenting time
• Holidays and vacations
• Transportation
• Communication expectations
• Decision-making responsibilities (medical, educational, religious, etc.)
• Financial responsibilities
• Conflict resolution
• Other co-parenting agreements (bedtimes, children’s access to cellphones or screen time, out-of-state travel, etc.)

Consistency helps children feel safe. If your child knows what to expect, it reduces anxiety and helps them adjust to the new family structure. Working to create a plan that works for both parents upfront reduces the likelihood of disagreements or conflicts down the line. And bonus, it will likely decrease your anxiety about co-parenting as well.

Stick to the schedule as much as possible, and if changes are needed, give plenty of notice and communicate respectfully.

Develop and Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Children are not equipped to handle adult conflict. Shield them from the details of the divorce, including reasons for the divorce, financial details, and court proceedings. It’s also important to protect your children from hearing your frustrations with their other parent.

This also means:

• No venting to your children about the other parent. Instead, talk to a friend, therapist, or support group.
• No asking your children to “spy” or report back. Choose to directly communicate with your co-parent, maybe using a co-parenting app. 
• Respect their time with their other parent. Allow and encourage them to enjoy their time together.
• Encourage your children to talk freely about their thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Be curious, but be careful not to interrogate them about their other parent. 

Work to Present a United Co-Parenting Front

Children thrive on stability. Even though you and your co-parent likely have different rules, expectations, or parenting styles, try to align on the big things. How you talk about each other as co-parents (positively or at least neutrally), school and grades, or bedtimes. 

Disagree behind closed doors, and never in front of your children. When parents undermine each other, it can lead kids to feel confused, sad, or anxious, or exhibit acting-out behaviors. 

For teens especially, inconsistent parenting can lead to “divide and conquer” behavior. Staying on the same page helps avoid that dynamic.

Lastly, unless there’s a safety concern, support and encourage your children’s relationships with their other parent. That might mean facilitating phone calls, being on time for exchanges, and speaking positively about the other parent in front of your child.

Take Care of Yourself

Co-parenting works best when you’re at your best. Prioritize your own mental health and support network. Consider therapy, coaching, or support groups for divorcing parents. Foster your own social connections. 

You might also consider:

• Working to let go of guilt. You’re not a bad parent because your family looks different now.
• Give yourself permission to grieve. Divorce is loss.
• Celebrate small wins: whether it’s handling a tough transition day calmly or reinforcing a boundary, make sure you recognize your wins. 
• Prioritize good sleep, nutrition, and movement. Take care of your body.
• Create a calm home environment where you and your kids feel peace.
• Ask for help and let others support you. It might be carpool help, childcare, or even a grocery run.
• Do things just for you… and look for ways to have fun and joy. Hiking, getting your nails done, taking a class, or traveling. 

When you care for yourself, you’re modeling resilience and emotional health for your children—and giving them permission to care for themselves, too.

Co-Parenting, One Step at a Time…

Co-parenting during or after a divorce isn’t easy, but it is possible to do it well. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to stay committed to the well-being of your children and be willing to grow.

Keep showing up. Keep communicating. Keep putting your child first. That consistency—no matter how rocky the road—will be what your children rely on and remember.

Megan Vogels, MA, LPC, NCC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and National Board Certified Counselor in private practice. Specializing in working with children, teens, and families, Megan has extensive experience working with divorced and co-parenting families, including those in High-Conflict Divorce situations.